sunshine after the rain ?

ended up writing this yesterday

bersabarlah wahai hati

cekalkan diri tabah menghadapi

walau kau sendiri tidak mengerti

selagi ada tuhanmu disisi

insyaallah pasti mampu kau harungi

la tahzan, innallaha ma'ana

yeah it hurts.

it still hurt so bad

i know feelings will change someday

but i'm hoping that someday is soon

something i have been wondering for ages

how do i know if i am giving up or really berserah?

i find it confusing

but then, right now, i don't even know what i am thinking or feeling

everything is pretty much mixed up all over

it hurts and i'm sad still,

and i wanna be over him as soon as possible

but at the same time

i don't even know what to do or what i am doing

several attempt i made has gone wrong whereby i ended up crying even more

the only thing left for me at the end is pray

yes, pray

somehow it does give me peace

and sometime happiness

even for a while

but still, alhamdulillah

i'm grateful for every chance of it

because crying every night isn't a pleasant thing

kan?

right now, 

being ignored by you is kinda sad

but since i am already sad

it kinda makes no difference lol

but

i do know it was my choice

i choose to make you really hated me

i needed you to really hate me

so it was hard to say

i guess i am sad

but at the same time

i guess my hardwork to make you hate me pays off?

dear heart

i'm sorry for making that decision

i hope that the best will soon fall unto you