Your love I once surrendered,
has never left my mind.
My heart is just as tender,
as the day i called you mine.
I did not take you with me,
but you were never left behind.
Always with me by Lang Leav
my dear AHHK
i'm sorry for the mixed feeling i been showing you
its hard for me to separate between my feels and my thinking
i know my heart truly cares for you
thus it was a really hard decision to leave you
more like, making you leave me
because i know, i can never leave you
my dear AHHK
do you remember? i wrote to you,
as long as you are trying, i'm staying
i do.. i said that in September
and since the day i wrote that i tried to watch you
to be honest, i guess my heart were already start to break at the time
cause, the only thing you been trying was to ignore me
and to avoid me..
i feel that you no longer cares for me
or want me. or like me.
or want to have anything to do with me
so yeah, it breaks my heart
my dear AHHK
i know what kind of person i am
i always believe everything can be fixed
i know i will try to hold on to you so bad
thinking we can fix us
i know i will not let you go
i know i will try my best to make you stay
i know i will try everything i can to make you stay
to make you happy
to make you feel loved
i know
i know myself
i know i can't walk away
thus
i had to make you hate me
i needed you to hate me
i needed you to hate me so bad that
regardless how hard i tried, whatever i tried, how long i hold on
i needed you to hate me so bad
you didn't want anything to do with me
that you will never come back to me
for any reason at all
so yeah, it breaks my heart even more
and so my dear AHHK,
the whole thing starts
i tried everything i could
even though i had to hurt or lie to you
nothing hurts me more than having to do those to you
i really am sorry for everything i did
in those period of time
i tried so hard to drive you mad
but yet some times
you were still very kind
it really hurts me more
but then, theres still no sign of you wanting to try
i had to go on..
honestly
in those period,
i know you may be not know what i am doing or why i am doing it exactly
but, deep down
i still hope that you'll find out and prove me wrong
hold me and never let me go
but you never tried, i had no reason to stay
my dear AHHK
i guess my effort pulled through
because finally in January 5th
you said you can't with me anymore
you can never be with me anymore
and that you are happily taken
though it made me cry, i am happy for you
i am glad to know theres someone who can make you happier than i can
thus now i have to let you go
i know i still texted you once in a while
i am sorry for that
i know you said you can't have any contact with me
it was my fault.
i just, missed you too much..
my dear AHHK
i know you blame me for everything
i never meant to compare you to my ex
i guess i hurt you
i really am sorry awak
i really am sorry for everything
i know my promises
i will try to keep them
even the ones you didn't know
my dear AHHK
do you still keep all the things i gave you?
i know it wasn't much
but i am proud of it as it truly came from heart
i tried to make you hated me, hated enough to burn them all away
so that things will be easier for you
i know i wish you would keep them and love them
but, i'll understand if they are no longer available
my dear AHHK
did you read all the stars i wrote to you?
all my hopes, dreams and fears
and all my love to you
shine bright baby because i will always love you
my dear AHHK
i'm still sorry for the mixed feeling i still show today
the cards, gifts, everything
i'm still trying to pujuk my heart
lol
but i admit, i do hope for your reply
i do hope that you are doing okay
because i do wonder everyday if you are doing okay
whether or not are you happy
i know its none of my business
i know even if you replied and say yes
i would never know if you are truly happy or not
i know..
i just
i really want you to be happy
happily in love
with warm love of your family and the girl who have your heart
i can't bear the thoughts of that
but i still want you to be very happy
to be honest, my dear AHHK,
when i started the plan to make you leave me
i thought i could handle it
i thought i would be over you within the few months
but i guess i was wrong
if only you knew how much you could make me happy
your one text, your one request
when it happened,
i know i shouldn't be happy about it as it probably means nothing for you
but boy,
they shine my weeks and my tears
i was really happy beyond words
thank you for making me happy
even if you never meant to do so
my dear AHHK
May is coming soon
so does ramadhan
oh my dear, the memories
as much as i wish you would remember me
i didn't want you to remember me that hurts you
i know you said you have thrown away all of our memories
i wish i could to
i don't know how i am going to face all of these feelings,
but i'll be praying for your happiness
always
so my dear AHHK
i know you will never read any of these
not that it matters or mean anything to you
but
deep down
i just want you to know
i really cared for you
i know it won't justify for my actions
i did what i did
i just hope that you'll know
i really done it for your happiness
because i really truly loved you
even if it cost my own heart
my darling AHHK
i will always pray for you
as long as this feeling is with me
you will always be close in my heart and mind
i miss you
