how much time is a year ?

A year today

things were a lot different

i myself were a lot different

i am not sure which i wanted more

but yes, i was a lot happier then than now

but i couldn't say i regretted it either

perhaps, regret is just too much?

but yes, i would like to be happy again please

dear self

how much have you changed?

i still have both of mixed feeling daily regarding AHHK

/sigh/

i still cry, every night, every prayers

i honestly not sure if its a good thing

or bad..

but i wish it could just be gone

i wish i could just woke up one day and not remembering him

or thinking of him

or wanting him

or missing him

....

though i know, deep down, i didn't ever want to

i cant live like this either

can i..

sampai bila, aya ?

honestly

maybe i was too ignorant last time

that i mostly assumed than prayed for

or maybe 

i didn't prayed for it hard enough.

my ignorance, my lost

my pain, my shame

ya Allah,

please forgive me

please make ease of everything

please mend this broken heart

i'm sorry