of the two sides

okay, one of the thoughts i recently kept thinking about

so how do you differentiate between 

giving in to god's will 

to 

giving up to make anymore effort for something that you actually want?

and it not just limited to a certain thing (or someone) but you know it could be anything, career wise, future wise, marriage, work, family, self, i don't know, anything(?) i guess

i wonder me thinking this is bad its like as if i don't have faith strong enough to just let HIM do the work or actually me not trying to work harder to get what i want. you know? like which exactly?? a friend said at the end of the day which it was were actually depended on what you feel about it. but then my problem is, i don't know what i feel about it.

both happy and sad

i am confused as hell

i'm not even sure if i know what i want

and of course then i thought i should come out with a future plan 

(to actually sound more organised and success, and planning etc la konon pfffft)

not sure if this even related i ended up wanting to do a bucket list
HA HA HA HA HA HA

thats personally sounds like a big joke to me especially after how i fail to get my 2014 resolution done. i only manage to do one out of four

but then they say to just do it and whether i could strike the list off or not, it a different matter.

(pretty good motivation i guess?? maybe)

so i do have a few things in the list, i'll make a separate post later so i can update them whenever

but then pretty embarrassing if anyone knew about it ahahahah

just so you know, ( i don't think you will ever) but i just wanted to say, i am still trying. to decide and be firm. i still can't figure out how to as i know my heart isn't as firm. but slowly, i think i will be able to know what to do..

i wonder if following one's truly heart would make your decisions firmer than anything else in this world? 

???